I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
