The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
