Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
