I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
