she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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