A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
