....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
