so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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