Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
