I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
