and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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