I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
bring money and cleavage
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
