So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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