I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize