I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
