He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize