Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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