Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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