next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
