i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
