yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
