We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i will never coherently bang her
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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