Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
