brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
