im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
