there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
