OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
