i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
