I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
