Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
