Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
