ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
