I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
