that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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