It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
