Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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