That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize