My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
