in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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