I wanna bring you to show and tell
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You can't special order awesome
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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