are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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