i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
