this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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