I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just took my morning after pill in the library
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
