Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
