The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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