wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
