I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
