all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize