I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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