So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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