he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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