This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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