if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
