I wish my penis had an off switch
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize