so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
