Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
