Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm like, not good at living.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
