he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
