...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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