my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
