Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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