I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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