well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize