I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
