Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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