Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
