You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
