I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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