she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
