i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
