I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
