He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
