oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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