I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
