Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
