im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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