I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
