What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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