the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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