I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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