An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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