They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
