We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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