Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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