so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
