the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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