fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
