i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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