dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
