the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
