Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
