I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
