we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
