Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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