I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
