I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
