I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
In America we eat man semen.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
