Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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